Sand & Water
by mhopeg
Summary: EO eventually, Spoilers for Florida and Screwed
1. Chapter 1 It has to be this way

Notes: 1) This chapter inspired by "It Just Has To Be This Way" by Reba McEntire and Vince Gill. 2) I'm SO sorry it took so long for this update. I have no excuse…but the ones I'll try to pass off anyway are the car accident which means dealing with annoying insurance companies; being unemployed and constantly, actively looking for a job; rewriting this chapter about 10 times before deciding on a course of action; LOTS of fact-checking and watching episodes of Seasons 7 and 8 that I missed due workups prior to my super fun deployment and to being overseas from early October through the end of April. 3) Thank you so much for the kind reviews of the first part. 4) Now that I've got timelines and everything else pretty much established I don't foresee any more major delays.

Still own nothing.

- - - - - - - - - -

_Olivia Benson's Apartment_

_Sunday, May 20_

"What did you mean when you asked what I was going to do?"

Elliot had let himself into her building using the key she'd given him early on in their partnership, waking her up by knocking on her door at 12:45 am.

"Can we please do this some other time? Any other time. It's been a long day. Hell, it's been a long week, Elliot."

"What did you mean?" He brushed past her into her apartment and sat on the couch, waiting.

"I don't know."

"Don't give me that."

"I don't know, El." She sat at the opposite end of the couch, facing him.

"I don't get how you could even ask me what I'm going to do. You, of all people in my life, know how important my family is to me."

"Yeah, I know. And I also know how much it hurts you that you can't be with them as much as you want because of the job. I know how much it hurt Kathy and the kids."

"And you thought I'd walk away from them? That I'd just take the easy way out?" He was pacing, clearly pissed.

"You and I both know you've never taken the easy way on anything." She rested her elbows on her knees, her head down in her hands.

"Liv, just tell me what this is really about."

She looked up at him, her eyes bloodshot and tired. "In the last couple of days I've felt like my life is falling down around me. My career is pretty much in the toilet. And I know I have no one but myself to blame for that. I gave Simon the money." She shook her head, took a shaky breath. "Look, it doesn't even matter."

"Why?"

"I'm leaving. I was going to tell you Monday morning, but you're here now so…I'm leaving New York." She expected him to be angry, yelling. Instead he was silent. "Dana – Star – offered me a job. It's a good move, and I really need the change."

"Is this about…" he trailed off, didn't finish the thought.

"It's not your fault, Elliot. It just has to be this way. If you weren't the guy who always tried to do the right thing, you wouldn't be the same man I love. But I can't stay. I can't see you every day, work with you, and act like everything's the same." She stood and walked across the room to him. "You should go. I'll see you Monday." She leaned toward him, her intention a simple kiss on the cheek. Elliot turned his face toward her at the last minute, pulling her into a deep kiss.

They separated moments later, out of breath. Olivia looked up at him, her eyes a mixture of sadness, fear, and regret.

"I'll miss you, Liv. I wish things could be different." She nodded silently and watched as he left. She was proud that she managed to wait until she heard his footsteps down the hall before she broke down, falling to her knees against the door.

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

_Olivia Benson's Apartment_

_Friday, June 8_

The buzzer distracted Olivia from staring at the timer.

"Liv, it's Casey. You can't miss your going away party."

She didn't answer, but let her friend up and made sure the door was unlocked before going back into the bathroom. Casey let herself in moments later and maneuvered through the maze of boxes in the apartment until the beeping timer drew her into the bathroom.

"What's going on?" She sat on the edge of the bathtub and watched as tears silently fell down Olivia's face. She followed her gaze to the sink and saw the box for the pregnancy test.

"It's positive." Olivia's words were a quiet whisper.

"Olivia, honey, I'm missing a lot."

"One night. I got one night with him and I'm pregnant. And I can't even tell him."

She pulled a few pieces of tissue from the roll and wiped Olivia's tears, then took her hand. "You mean Elliot, right?" Olivia nodded. "So what are you going to do?"

She laughed sadly. "That question again." Casey continued to watch her silently. "I don't know. I've loved him for so long. I always had that private fantasy of us, of knowing that he was in love with me, of having a baby. But it was never like this. He was still with me. Our biggest fear would have been how to tell Cragen. I'm so scared to do this myself."

"But?"

"But…I want this baby, Case. I already know that I want to have this baby."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know. Eventually I will. It's just…God, this sucks. It's too complicated right now." She looked in Casey's eyes, suddenly worried. "You can't tell him, Casey. I know that he's your friend too, and that you still have to work with him after I leave. But please, promise me-"

"I won't tell him if you don't want me to. But Liv, don't you think he'd want to know? Don't you think it would change everything? Him going back to Kathy…he wouldn't do that if he knew about you."

"I want him to be with me. But I want him to choose to be with me, to want to be with me. I don't want to be an obligation." She took a breath and seemed surprised when she noticed the tears still rolling down her cheeks.

Casey started to answer but was interrupted by her cell phone ringing. "Novak." She stood and walked just out of the room. "Hey, Melinda. I don't think tonight's going to work." She paused, listening. "No, she's just really overwhelmed. There's so much going on right now. Maybe just the three of us can get together this weekend before she goes. I'll talk to you later."

She flipped her phone closed and sat next to Olivia again. "You want me to order something for dinner?" Olivia shook her head. "You have to eat something, sweetie."

"Chinese, I guess." It hurt to see her normally confident friend so quiet and despondent.

"Come on, let's at least sit on the couch." She pulled her up and they walked to the living room.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It took much longer than usual, but Casey managed to get Olivia to eat most of a plate of food. She spent more time staring blindly at the plate, unconsciously pushing the food around in circles, and certainly not talking. Casey was clearing their plates from the table when Olivia spoke again.

"It was such a perfect night. I thought that I was finally going to get a normal life. I had a brother, and a nephew. I had this amazing man. I never thought that it would be a one-night stand."

"You know that's not true."

"What else would you call it? We spent one night together and then, just a few days later, he told me he wanted to go back to his family, to his ex-wife."

"Do you really think that it didn't mean anything to him?"

"No, not really." They sat in silence for a long moment.

"Do you want me to stay tonight?"

"I'll be fine. You don't have to baby-sit me."

"I'll come by tomorrow. Melinda still wants to at least have lunch before you go." Olivia nodded quietly. Casey bent over next to Olivia's chair and pulled her into a soft hug. "You'll get through this, you know. You're the strongest person I know." Olivia nodded silently. "I won't tell anyone any of this. You can trust me. I want you to know that I'm completely behind you, whatever you do."

Olivia smiled, still a ghost of the bright, genuine smile her friends were used to. "I know you are. Thanks Casey."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Olivia followed her to the door and locked up behind her, then looked around. Her life packed away in boxes. Monday she would move to a new city, a new life. She'd never been more terrified in her life.


	2. Chapter 2 If You See Him

I know, I know. I suck! Having a job kinda stinks sometimes. Plus, every time I've sat down to work on this I have to fight off plot bunnies for way in the future on this story. But for points in my favor…this update more than doubles the total length of the story! (I have a master file of all the chapters as I get them written, without beginning/end notes, so I can keep track of just the story by itself. That file was at a little over 1700 words. This is 700 words more than that.)

I swear, I'm not abandoning this story. I know too much about where it's going to go, little things and big things that are going to happen. Hopefully I'll be able to get another update together before I take a few days to go home to Indiana.

Thanks to everyone who has R&R'd the other chapters. And also thanks to everyone for patiently waiting for this update. You guys are the best.

_August 17_

_Union Station - Washington DC_

_10:45 a.m._

"Liv!" Casey shouted through the crowd as she saw Olivia reading a magazine at the café where they had arranged to meet.

Olivia looked up and smiled as Casey made her way through the mid-morning crowd. "It's about time." She stood and the two hugged.

"Look at you! You look great."

"I feel pretty good."

"How's work?"

"Different, but it's good so far." There was an awkward pause. "So, the white elephant in the room…"

"He said to tell you he hopes that you're happy here." Olivia nodded silently. After another short pause Casey smiled. "So what are we doing today?"

"Funny you should ask."

- - - - - - - - - -

_George Washington University Medical Center_

_12:00 p.m._

"Liv, you're my best friend and I love you to death but you're a lousy date."

"I had the appointment before you said you wanted to come down this weekend. And it's not something I could really change, considering." She smiled. "Lunch after we leave. Anywhere you want."

"Deal."

"Miss Benson?" They both looked toward the hallway to the exam rooms.

"I have a friend here. Is it okay if she comes back with me?"

"Not a problem. This way, please." They followed her down a brightly painted hallway to, in Casey's opinion, the most well-furnished exam room imaginable. Casey walked around the room looking at the pregnancy posters and displays around the room while the nurse weighed Olivia, took her vitals, and asked general health questions. "Change into the gown and have a seat. Dr. Allison will be here in a few minutes."

"So are you really happy?" Casey asked once Olivia had changed and was seated on the exam table.

"I'm making myself be happy. _'A happy mother means a healthier, happier baby,'_ according to every pregnancy book I've read. And really, mostly I'm okay." Casey narrowed her eyes. "I said mostly."

"Okay. So what all is this appointment for?"

"Hopefully to find out if it's a boy or a girl." She smiled at Casey's excited squeal. "How's everyone else?"

There was a knock and the door opened before Casey could start any stories.

"Olivia?" They both looked up as the doctor came in. "And we have company this visit. Is this your birthing partner?" She smiled kindly at Casey.

"A friend visiting from New York."

"You're welcome to stay for the ultrasound, as long as Ms. Benson doesn't object." Olivia smiled and nodded. "Any problems or concerns in the last 4 weeks?"

"I think my morning sickness phase is finally over."

The doctor smiled. "Have you felt any movement yet?"

"Maybe? I've felt…something. I'm not positive if it was the baby or something else."

"It probably was the baby. Hopefully we'll be able to get some of that in the ultrasound today." She looked through notes in Olivia's chart and continued, "Your multiple marker screening was negative, which means we don't need to do an amnio, which is a very good thing for both of you. I need to do a quick exam then we can do the fun part." Casey again busied herself on the other side of the exam room during the exam, coming back to the table after doctor said she was finished. "Any questions for today?"

"None I can think of."

"Then I'll give you the same instructions as last time. Vitamins, good diet, exercise, rest when you can get it. You know the drill by now. Everything looks good so far. Gregg will be in for your ultrasound in…right now apparently," she corrected herself as the door opened after a polite knock. "And we'll make an appointment in four more weeks."

"Thank you." Casey grinned excitedly as the doctor left and the technician started setting up the ultrasound equipment.

"I see you're almost at 19 weeks, is that right?" Olivia nodded. "If I can get a good enough picture do you want to know what you're having?"

"Definitely." Casey stifled a giggle as Olivia pulled the paper gown up past her stomach. "What?" Olivia gave her an exasperated smile.

"You have a little belly. It's so cute! I just couldn't help it. Sorry. I'm being serious now." She pressed her lips together and stared at the monitor.

"Let me know if this is too cold." She tensed in anticipation as the tech squeezed a small amount of gel onto her skin. "Cold?"

"No, it's okay."

"You ready?" he asked as he placed the transducer on her belly. Olivia smiled as she heard her baby's heartbeat fill the room.

"Is that the heart?" Casey asked, awed.

"That's the heart," said Gregg, pointing to the screen with his free hand as he continued to move the transducer, "and here is the face." He pointed out facial features to them and printed out a couple of pictures.

Olivia jumped as they watched the baby stretch and kick on the screen. "I definitely felt that one."

"Let me see if I can get the right angle." He worked silently for a minute. "Here we go. You're sure you want to know?"

"Yes."

"Congratulations Ms. Benson. You have a very healthy 18-week-old baby girl."

"You're sure it's a girl?" Olivia was fighting her emotions.

"As sure as I can be. The ultrasound isn't 100 accurate, but I think I've got a pretty good angle. You want two pictures of this also?" Olivia nodded, smiling. He took all of the printed pictures and put them in a small folder and handed them to her. "Everything looks really good. You can clean up and get changed."

- - - - - - - - - -

_Olivia's Apartment_

_Alexandria, VA_

_2:17 a.m._

Casey woke when she heard the noise. It was strange enough staying in the suburbs, without the noises of the city to lull her to sleep. The air mattress meant that she slept lightly enough that the slightest noise woke her. And this noise wasn't slight.

She silently walked to the kitchen, pulled the skillet used from dinner, sitting on the dish rack to dry, and made her way toward the bedroom door. Pushing the door open, she looked in to be sure it was clear to enter. She walked in the room, around the corner, and saw Olivia, sound asleep, moaning not in pain, as she'd originally thought.

"Elliot…El, please…"

Grinning, Casey made her way back out of the room as quietly as possible.

- - - - - - - - - -

_August 19_

_9:30 a.m._

"So…good dream last night?" Casey hid her smile as she drank her orange juice.

"I guess. I don't really remember."

"You don't remember? That's very unflattering for him."

"What are you…"

"You woke me up. Moaning. I thought someone was in the room with you." At Olivia's blank look, Casey went on. "I never knew you talked in your sleep." Now blushing, Olivia busied herself with clearing the dishes from breakfast. "There's a history of this?"

"Once, when I was in Oregon. I thought I'd blown my cover."

Casey started to speak but thought better of her joke and closed her mouth for a second. "Any plans for today?"

"A little shopping, a few quick errands. Dana wanted me to bring you by this morning. She's in her office working on a few things."

"I can't believe you're a Fed now."

"How's Munch taking that news?"

"I actually don't think anyone's told him yet. His conspiracy mill is busy enough without you being brainwashed into becoming the enemy."

"So he thinks…what exactly?" She left the dishes to soak while they were gone for the day.

"I don't know. Lateral transfer to another city's department probably."

"Ready to go?" Olivia pulled her keys off the hook and followed Casey out of the apartment.

**- - - - - - - - - -**

_Alexandria, VA_

_3:00 p.m._

"I never thought I would need this much stuff. I have no idea where I'm going to put it all."

"You haven't found a new apartment yet?"

"I'm on a couple hundred waiting lists. Hopefully I'll be able to go to a different apartment in my building. And stop it!" Olivia wrestled control of the scanner for the gift registry from Casey. "When you have a kid, you can pick out and scan all the pretty stuff you want to buy."

"You have to get sleep sacks."

"Why are you such an expert?"

"_The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy,_ plus five nieces and nephews in the last four years." The two fell into silence as they walked around Babies R Us. "Crib sheets." Casey pointed at a shelf as the walked down another aisle, then was silent again for a moment. "I swear this is the last time I'm bringing this up…"

"Casey." She faced her, gave her a warning look.

"I promised you I wouldn't tell him and I won't. But you don't know how hard it is to look him in the eye when he asks me about you, then lie."

"I'm sorry."

"No…I didn't mean to upset you. I know that this is twice as hard on you. I just…I don't know. I'm just worried about when it all comes out."

"So am I."

"So…you get doubles of all your ultrasound photos?"

"Yeah, for a book I'm keeping for him." She looked at her checklist. "I think we're done here."

- - - - - - - - - -

_Union Station_

_Washington, DC_

_August 19_

They sat at a coffee shop at the train station, waiting for boarding to start for Casey's train back to New York. "I wish you would have let me get the crib for you."

"I don't even know what crib I want to get yet. Besides, you got me a ton of stuff already. Between you and Simon I may not have to buy anything for this kid."

Casey's answer was interrupted by the announcement for her train. "Guess it's time. Any messages for anyone?"

"Casey."

"I mean anyone. Munch, Fin. Even Huang asks about you."

"Just let everyone know that I'm fine. I miss you guys so much." Casey puller her into a hug as another boarding call was made for her train.

"I have to go."

"Call me when you get there." Casey pulled back a little from the embrace.

"Yes mom."

"Hey, that maternal instinct is no joke." Olivia smiled through tear-filled eyes.

"Call me every week. Let me know what our girl is up to." She took Olivia's hand and stood back before she walked away.

"I will."

"Bye, Liv."

"Bye, Casey."


	3. Chapter 3 Still Holding Out For You

Sorry for the delay, guys. Real life kinda sucked for a while there and I needed some time to rail at God. Also thanks to Rach for taking a look at this and assuring me that it doesn't suck, as I originally thought it did. She saved you all from an even longer delay in this update.

And I know it's showing this update twice. When I looked at the chapter I saw that some of the formatting was messed up so I had to go back and try to fix and reupload. For some reason, though, it's not saving the proper format so ignore the screwiness of the email headers. I've fixed them 3 times and stupid website keeps putting them right back to the way it wants them. I'm not amused.

I still own nothing.

* * *

_September 18, 2007_

_From: Olivia.Bensonfbi.gov_

_To: Cruel_

_Sorry I missed when you called last night. I went to bed early and didn't hear the phone._

_Cravings are very cruel. The last 4 nights I've wanted moo shoo from Ming's. I'm going crazy here. _

_Anyway, I'm working on names. Have a few possibilities:_

_Annabel_

_Jordan_

_Madeline_

_Meredith_

_Samantha_

_Any of them jump out at you?_

_I found a new apartment that will be big enough for a baby, plus everything that comes WITH the baby. Oh yeah, and for me too. It's in Arlington, and I move in two weeks. Simon's coming down that weekend to help me._

_I can't wait for you to see this place. It's huge, has a loft. Bedrooms are upstairs. Hardwood floors, and an alarm system. All for the low monthly price of…so much of my money._

_- - - - - - - - - -_

_From: Olivia.Bensonfbi.gov_

_Subject: Re: Cruel_

_Sorry about the cravings. If I thought it would travel well enough I'd bring it to you this weekend._

_I like most of the names. Meredith might be a little too _Grey's Anatomy_ though. _

_I have to run to the precinct about a new case._

_Send me pictures of the new apartment once you're moved in. And make Simon do most of the heavy lifting! I'll come that weekend if I can get away._

- - - - - - - - - -

_September 20_

_J Edgar Hoover FBI Building_

_Washington, DC_

_5:45 p.m._

"Ms. Benson."

"Agent Lewis." Olivia stood to greet Dana.

"How are you settling in so far?"

"I think everything's going okay. I'm up to speed on all the cases we're working."

"Good. Now I want you to get out of town for the weekend."

"Excuse me?" She sat behind her desk, a confused scowl across her face.

"You've been working way too hard. You have more than enough on your plate right now without trying to be Superwoman." Star continued in her brisk manner, "I've looked through your reports. You're more than up to speed. You're ahead of most of the department. That's great work for less than three months on the job and I want you to take a break."

"And that break means leaving town…why, exactly?"

"Because if you're nowhere near this building I can be fairly certain that you're following the orders of your direct supervisor and not thinking about work."

"That's a really nice offer, but I just moved last week and have boxes everywhere in my apartment. Not to mention – "

"Olivia, I want you to take a weekend and relax. Let your blood pressure come back to normal. Put your feet up. Go to the beach – Ocean City's nice. Go to a spa somewhere. Just take two days and don't think about work."

"Fine," she said after a defeated sigh.

"Oh, and I'll need the keys to your apartment," she added as she walked toward the office door.

"You need…"

"Oh, I forgot to mention. I'm having some furniture delivered. It's nothing that isn't on your baby registry. Have a good weekend. Leave the spare key on my desk tomorrow before you leave." Dana left a bewildered Olivia staring at the door after she'd exited.

- - - - - - - - - -

_McMurphy's Bar_

_8:30 p.m._

Casey took a sip of the beer the bartender had placed in front of her and looked around the crowded bar. Elliot walked in looking frustrated as he flipped his cell phone shut. "He'll have the same," she said to the bartender who was still nearby.

Elliot wound his way to the bar just as a cold longneck was set in front of the empty school Casey had managed to save for him.

"So what did you want to meet me about?" Casey asked as he sat down.

"The warrant for the Newman case."

"What about it?"

"What do you need to expand the scope of the search?"

She turned in the stool to face him. "You're not a rookie. You know what I have to have for an unrestricted search of the property. And I know you're not thinking about manipulating evidence." He looked down. "What's this really about?"

He took a long pull from the bottle then hesitated, looking past her. "I just need someone to tell me that I'm not a terrible person." She frowned rather than answering him blindly. "Kathy's pregnant. I should be thrilled, excited, the way I was with Maureen, Kathleen, or the twins. But I can't make myself feel that this time around."

"Your life's different this time. It's normal to feel…I don't know…at least some anger. Your kids were nearly grown. Two are already out of the house. Now you have to start all over."

"It's not that. Not completely, at least." He took another drink and tried again to organize his thoughts. "I still haven't moved back to the house. I should feel guilty that I'm not there. I don't even feel guilty that a part of me doesn't **want** to be around the house right now." He sipped then continued, "The only thing I feel right now is…I used to have Liv to talk to about family issues." He finished his beer, ordered another. "I feel guilty that I was an ass and she left."

Casey looked past him briefly, then focused on his face as she answered. "You have to figure out what you want to do with your life. I can't make that choice for you. Liv couldn't either if she was here." She finished off her beer then stood to leave. "I wish I had better advice. But no one can fix this for you. I have court in the morning."

_- - - - - - - - - -_

_Sept 21_

_1 p.m._

"I've been kicked out of my apartment."

"Olivia?" Casey turned away from her office computer.

"Yes, it's Olivia. My beautiful new apartment and I've been kicked out for the weekend."

"Why have you been kicked out for the weekend?"

She smiled as Olivia recounted the conversation. "So I was thinking about a slumber party?"

"You're coming here?"

"Just for a couple days. If you're busy I can stay in a hotel. I just miss the city."

"No, I'm never too busy for you. I'm just surprised you'd come up here is all."

"Yeah. So am I. I guess I'm a little homesick."

"When will you be here?"

"I'm actually at Ming's right now."

"How's the mooshoo?"

"So much better than I remembered."

"Meet me at my place around six."

_- - - - - - - - - -_

_Sept 22_

"I'll be right there!" Olivia called as she padded quickly to the door. "That was fast. I just called 20 minutes…" she trailed off as she opened the door, seeing Elliot instead of the pizza she had ordered for lunch.

"Olivia." The pair stood in silence, staring at one another, until Olivia dropped her gaze to the over-large sweatshirt she put on after her shower. Casey's apartment always seemed chilly to her. Now she was thankful for the baggy clothes to relieve her of any awkward, unexpected questions.

"Casey's not here. She had to run to her office for a minute."

"Oh." He continued to stare at her.

"You can come in to wait."

He came into the apartment and sat at the small dining room table.

"How's the Bureau treating you?"

"It's fine."

"What exactly are you doing there? I know you're not an agent."

"No. I'm working eco-terrorism with Dana."

"Just make sure she watches your back."

"I don't exactly have a field job, but I'll remember your advice."

Olivia paused. There were so many things in her head she wanted to say to him this moment. 'I miss you.' 'I still love you.' 'We're having a baby.' Instead "How's Kathy?" came out.

The smile that had started to tease from his mouth, in his eyes, immediately fell. "She's…fine I guess." Another awkward silence followed. "Can you just tell Casey I was here? I'll have my cell with me."

Olivia nodded mutely as he fled the apartment.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Are you really going to move back in with mom?" Maureen broke the tense silence that had settled between her and her father. Maureen had asked him to dinner – on her – so they could talk. He had been worried that it was a serious talk about her latest boyfriend. Now he only wished that had been the topic on her mind. They were now having coffee and dessert; so far the conversation had been one-sided.

Elliot gave no answer, not even a non-committal shrug, so she continued. "I know I'm probably the only one of us who will say this, and maybe it's because I have a life away from the family. But everyone would be fine if you didn't. I mean, Kathleen would be a pain, but that's just Katie. Lizzie and Rich would deal. Mom…"

"I have to move back. It's not even a choice now."

"Because of the baby." This time Elliot did shrug. "I want to ask you something. And I want you to be completely honest. I'm not a little kid anymore. I can handle the truth. I WANT the truth. And this is just between us." He took a sip of his coffee and nodded for her to continue. "If mom hadn't been pregnant, would you have married her 20 years ago?"

"I don't know. We were young and in love…but we both had plans for our lives. I'm sure that we would have waited at least a year. Why are you asking that question?"

"And if mom weren't pregnant now," she pushed on, ignoring his question, "would you really be trying to move home?" His gaze dropped from her eyes, turned to the busy street outside the crowded café, and she reached for his hand, attempting to focus his eyes back on her. "I told you I want the truth."

He kept his gaze fixed past her while he answered. "I told your mom one night that I wanted to come home. At the time it really was what I wanted." His eyes flicked back to Maureen's face, then down to his empty coffee cup. "But when it came to doing anything about it, even just meeting your mom to talk about things…I never did."

"Why not?"

"Things always came up."

"Work always came up." She continued before he could interrupt. "I know you love your job and it's important to you. It's who you are. You wouldn't be happy if you changed that. I've always looked up to you for that, and I think I'll always be that little girl whose daddy is her hero.

"And none of that is even the point." She looked at her watch and cringed when she noticed the time. "I have to go. I have work in an hour. Just think about one thing. You said that at the time you wanted to move home. You never did. If mom hadn't got pregnant would you even still be thinking about it? Is it really fair to step back into a relationship that doesn't make you happy – really happy, the way I've seen you when you actually let your guard down? I know that the ideal situation is for a mother and father to raise a child together, but it's not an ideal world. You know that better than anyone." She stood and picked up her purse, gave her dad a kiss on the cheek. "I love you daddy. At least think about what I said, okay?"

'When did my little girl become the smart one?' he wondered as he watched as she left the café, as far as he could until she was out of view of the window.

- - - - - - - - - -

As she dropped her overnight bag inside her apartment, Olivia looked around and noticed the lack of boxes in her living room then saw the note propped up on the table beside the door.

_Olivia,_

_I did the best I could unpacking the living room and dining room. Your bedroom you'll have to handle. I hope everything looks okay to you._

_Dana_

She walked to the stairs and noticed the lack of an echo as her feet hit the hardwood floor. Upstairs she peeked into the nursery and smiled sadly as she saw the walls painted a soft lavender, the dark brown furniture and pastel bedding. Everything she had picked out for the nursery.

She picked up the white stuffed puppy and held it as she sat in the glider that sat in a corner of the room, another sad sigh on her lips, another missed opportunity to tell him the truth weighing on her mind.

* * *

More notes: I know you're all antsy for Elliot to find out about Liv's pregnancy. And I swear I'm writing as quickly as I can, life and work notwithstanding. Sadly, I have more of the end of the story written than the beginning. But at least that means I know where I'm going with this mess! 

I actually had planned on starting what will be a kind of involved casefile but changed the course OF that case so I went with just the character stuff this chapter.

Reviews are happiness; Make me smile by clicking the little review button.


	4. Chapter 4 Welcome To Wherever You Are

Two updates in less than a week! I don't know how I managed it, but I did.

It seemed like time to get into the Elliot side of this universe, so this one centers on him, his life. I really enjoyed writing this chapter. It flowed really well.

Thanks again to Rach. And also, I want to thank all of you guys for the reviews. I've never actually stuck with a story for this long. You guys really do keep me going. I'm so glad to know that you are enjoying it.

Lastly, if you recognize it, I don't own it.

_

* * *

__Chapter 4 – "Welcome to Wherever You Are"_

_November 16_

_10:15 a.m._

Elliot looked up from his paperwork and watched as his new partner, David Benes, relayed the story of the first arrest he made as a rookie with the Richmond PD to Munch and Fin. Benes had only been with the unit for a month, but was slowly growing on him. He was a good cop who didn't take any shortcuts in his work.

He was also a single dad who always managed to make time to see his nine-year-old son. After ten years with SVU, Elliot still had trouble balancing work and family. He shook his head and looked back to the file as Benes demonstrated the hip throw he'd used on his first perp on Detective Lake.

He was nearly finished with the paperwork on the case they'd just closed out when Benes tapped him on the shoulder. "You got a visitor, Stabler." Elliot turned and saw Kathleen lurking outside of the bullpen. He mumbled for a second then stood and walked to his daughter.

"I'm trying to work, Kathleen. We'll fight at the house."

"When will that be? It's not like either of us live there anymore," she mumbled in reply.

"Just tell me what I did now. I have things to do."

"At least Olivia took me seriously when she was around. She didn't assume the worst when I showed up."

"Kathleen…"

"I need you to talk to Sarah."

"Your roommate?" he asked, now concerned.

"I convinced her to talk to you before she did anything else."

"What happened to her?"

"She won't tell me. But she has a black eye, bruises on her arms and shoulders. She was fine when I left for class but now…and she won't talk to me."

"Where is she?"

"Waiting for me downstairs in the lobby. She didn't want to come up. I was lucky to get her here at all."

"Okay. Just give me a minute." He walked back to his partner. "David, I have a situation." He explained the details he knew.

"Yeah, go ahead," David nodded. "I'll explain to the Captain. Call if you need anything."

Elliot walked back to Kathleen and silently led her into the elevator.

_- - - - -_

_St. Ann's Hospital Emergency Room_

_11:30 a.m._

Elliot waited outside of Sarah's room while a nurse collected material for the rape kit. When the door opened Kathleen quietly asked him to come inside.

Sarah Bridges was petite, red-haired with green eyes and just enough freckles to suggest her Irish heritage. Originally from Tennessee, the two families had met when she came to the city in July for orientation at NYU. Elliot remembered her as bright, opinionated without being self-righteous about her beliefs, with an outgoing personality well-suited to a Political Communications major.

In the few minutes he'd been waiting the bruises on Sarah's face had darkened to a deep purple. Her right eye was swollen nearly shut, and her bottom lip had dried blood from where it had split open during the attack. She sat up in the bed, her eyes focused down toward the plain white blanket with one arm gently wrapped around her chest to protect her sore ribs. It took a great deal of focus for Elliot to remember that this was a victim who needed his help rather than his daughter's roommate and close friend.

"How are you, Sarah?" She shrugged, sniffled, and continued to stare at the woven pattern on the blanket. "Has anyone called your parents?"

"I called them for her," Kathleen spoke up, then looked back to Sarah.

"Do you want someone else here with you?" He spoke quietly, careful not to do anything to startle the girl.

"Can Katie stay?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm going to ask you a few questions. Do you care if I record this?"

"What for?"

"To make sure I don't make any mistakes in my report." She shrugged again then nodded her permission. "I know you've been through a lot, but I need to know what happened."

"My early class was cancelled so I was taking advantage – slept in. I was getting ready for lunch and my late classes and he knocked on my door."

"Who knocked?"

"A guy…I don't know his name. When I first got to campus I got involved in an animal rights group. ARF was the name. He was at a few of the meetings and protests. I stopped going after a few weeks. They were too over the top for me."

"Did you ever talk to him?"

"Maybe. Just small talk. 'Where are you from?' 'What's your major?' Things like that."

"Okay. Go on."

"I tried to tell him to go away, that I couldn't talk, but he pushed into my room. Said I was a traitor to the cause. I don't know. I haven't been to anything in a few weeks because of school and that upset him. He wasn't really yelling or anything. Just mad. Irrational." She paused for a minute.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I asked him to leave. He pushed me against the wall and slapped me. Kept hitting me, telling me I shouldn't have abandoned them, that I deserved to feel the same pain they did every day. I tried to get away from him, but he grabbed my shirt. It ripped. He looked surprised at first, then he threw me against the wall again and started pulling on," she sniffled and finally let her tears fall, "pulling off my pants. I wanted to yell for help but I couldn't breathe. I tried again to get away from him but he shoved against me with his shoulder. And then he raped me." Her voice was barely above a whisper by the end.

Elliot turned off the recorder and gave her a few minutes to calm down, slow her breathing. When he thought she was ready he restarted the recorder. "Did you ever get a name?" She shook her head. "Do you remember anything he said when you talked to him at the meetings?"

"No. It was just small talk. There were always so many people around. He never made that strong of an impression on me."

"Can you describe him for me?"

"He was maybe 6 feet tall. Brown hair and eyes. Skinny."

"Any facial hair?"

"No. He had really pale skin."

"If I had a sketch artist come out do you think you could describe him enough to get a clear picture?"

"I'll try."

"Okay." He stopped the recorder and put it in his pocket. He then pulled a card from his pocket. "When you're ready, call this number. They'll be able to help you deal with everything. And if you think of anything, even if it seems small, call me. Kathleen has my cell and home numbers."

"Thanks." He left the room, surprised when Kathleen hurried after him.

"You're going to find the guy, right?"

"I'll do everything I can. Take care of her." She nodded as he walked away.

_- - - - -_

_SVU Squad room_

_1:30 p.m._

"I just dropped off the rape kit with Warner," Elliot said as the rest of the squad gathered for an update. "So far, we don't have a lot. 18-year-old NYU freshman was raped in her dorm room. Says she recognized the perp from some on-campus animal rights group but didn't get a name. We'll need to get a list of regular contacts for the group once we get the name of their president or leader. Sketch artist is headed to the hospital now. Hopefully he'll be able to get a picture we can use."

"Elliot, you handling this okay?" Munch asked when he paused to look through his notes.

"Yeah, I'm good. It looks like the guy fixated on her at these protests. She stopped going so he tracked her down. Beat the crap out of her, raped her, said she needed to feel the same pain the animals did."

"Damn nutcase," Fin interjected.

"Yeah. Well, they say it takes all kinds. I think there are a few kinds we could stand to be without," Cragen supplied. "Elliot and David, look into this animal rights group. See if you can get at least a contact, someone who organizes their protests or meetings, whatever it is they do. Lake and Fin, take the dorm room. Make sure CSU doesn't miss anything."

"And I'll keep you company with my charming personality and sparkling wit," Munch deadpanned.

"Great. Just what I need. I want an update tonight."

_- - - - -_

_Medical Examiner's Office_

_6:00 p.m._

"You want the good news or the bad?"

Elliot stifled a groan as Melinda met him in the morgue. "I need both."

"There's a hit on the DNA."

"Where's the name?"

"File's sealed tight. I had some guys look for a way around it, but it's the Feds' database."

"You have anything else for me?"

She flipped through a folder. "He's AB-. No trace of any diseases in the fluids." He breathed a sigh of relief. "Unfortunately, not much more than that. I wish I had more to tell you."

"Thanks, doc. I'll see what I can find out about the file."

_- - - - -_

_Federal Building_

_New York_

_7:15 p.m._

"Yeah, Stabler, what do you need?"

"Information." He sat across the desk from Agent Dean Porter. "Rape case. 18-year-old girl. DNA had a hit but it's sealed by your guys."

"Can't help you."

"This girl is in the hospital with a concussion and bruised ribs. You're going to play this bureaucratic bullshit with me?"

"You have a case number for me? Anything to go on?"

"You know damn well that they're not going to leave any information in the system."

"What do you know?"

"Guy's an animal rights nut."

"I don't work that unit anymore."

"I'm just asking for a little help here, Porter."

"I can't do anything for you. I'm not going to risk my neck, my career, so you can chase a ghost. Have a good evening, Detective."

_- - - - -_

_16__th__ Precinct_

_Manhattan, NY_

_8:30 p.m._

"Fucking jurisdictional worthless FBI piece of shit!" Elliot stormed into the bullpen. Munch, Fin, Lake, and Benes all looked up from their respective desks, then back down. Benes tried to hide behind his computer screen to avoid becoming a target of Elliot's wrath.

"How the hell are we supposed to find this guy if they won't even budge on giving me a name?"

"You, uh, struck out with the Fibs?" Benes ventured a quiet question; Elliot's grunted response spurred him on. "Listen, I've got a contact in DC. He owes me."

"A Fed owes you?"

"I introduced him to his wife. Let me call, see if he can do anything." He pulled out his cell phone and searched for the saved number.

"He work sex crimes?"

"Violent crimes, but he might be able to pull some strings. Hang on. Josh, what's up? How are the boys?" He smiled listening for a second. "Yeah, well, Maggie's right. They're your sons." He paused again. "The new unit's good. A little more draining than I thought. Listen, I need a favor." He gave him the details they had of the case and waited again. "Thanks buddy. I'll fax the sketch we have to your office. Call me if you can get anything." He flipped his phone shut and smiled. "He's going to ask around a little tomorrow, see if he can find out about any sealed files that fit our profile. Might take a bit, but if it can be found he'll find it."

"CSU find anything at our scene?" He couldn't believe he was calling his daughter's room on campus a crime scene.

"They're working on eliminating prints from the girls and their friends, frequent visitors. It's going to be a while. Other than that, typical dorm room trash. Styrofoam coffee cups, lots of fast food wrappers. Nothing unexpected. They're going through it piece by piece."

"So we've still got nothing."

"Looks that way."

"Great. Well, I don't see us accomplishing anything tonight. Without a name we've hit a wall. I'm out for the night. Call my cell if anything comes up."

_- - - - -_

_Stabler Residence_

_9:30 p.m._

"So you decided to grace us with your presence," Kathy said as she opened the door.

"Where's Kathleen?"

"She's picking some things up for me. Why?"

Elliot ignored the biting tone. "She came by work today. I just need to talk to her. I can wait outside."

"No, come in." She stood aside to let him pass. "A little bitchy?" He shrugged instead of answering. "Sorry. Seems like everything's getting to me lately."

"You've got a lot going on."

"Yeah, but I shouldn't take it all out on you. I'm at least as much to blame for the situation as you are." She handed him a bottle of water, took a sip from her own. "Don't have anything harder."

"Thanks."

"So, Kathleen came to see you?"

"Yeah."

"Work related?"

"How are you doing?" he side-stepped the question as they both sat at the kitchen table.

"Tired, irritable, and can barely tie my shoes anymore."

"I know I haven't been around a lot."

"Yeah."

"I'm trying to find a balance. Get my life straightened out. And I don't want to create extra stress for you."

"You're really not coming home, are you?"

"Do you really think it's a good idea?" She smiled sadly. "We fight whenever we're together. All I do is raise your blood pressure, which isn't good for you or the baby."

"That's not true."

"It is. It started as soon as you opened the door tonight. Maybe it's better if we just…"

"Stay apart."

"You know I'll be here for whatever you and the baby need. But this? Kathy, it's not fair to either one of us."

"I know I just hoped…I don't know what I hoped. That we'd magically fix whatever was wrong. That it would be like when the kids were little."

"I miss those days." He smiled, the first genuine smile she'd seen from him in a long time.

"Me too."

She was going to continue when the front door opened. Kathleen stopped as she saw both of her parents sitting, talking civilly.

"Hey daddy."

"I'll let you two talk. 'Night, Elliot." Kathy made her way slowly out of the room.

"You guys fight again?" Kathleen asked as she put away the groceries she had picked up.

"No, we talked."

She nodded silently as she sat across from him. "Sarah?"

"We hit a wall on her case."

"I can't believe this." Kathleen sat back sullenly in the chair.

"We're not dropping it. We just have to find a way around some red tape. You staying here tonight?"

"I wanted to stay with Sarah at the hospital."

"Need a ride?" She smiled as she grabbed her coat and waited for him at the door.

"Can your daughter weasel 20 bucks out of her old man?"

He groaned and reached for his wallet. "We are paying for a meal plan for you."

"But I need snacks for when I'm up late studying. You wouldn't want my grades to slip because I can't stay awake to do homework, would you?" She batted her eyes as he put the money in her outstretched hand and followed her outside to his car.

* * *

I seem to have found the secret to keeping my muse around: Strawberry milkshakes and death threats. Never thought it would really be that easy. Now I just have to convince her to do what I want. We're fighting over some details for the next chapter. 

Chapter title is from the Bon Jovi song. And I still adore reviews :hint hint:


	5. A quick interruption

Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know that the next chapter is going to be uploaded in…oh…30 seconds. And I needed a placeholder because I changed some things around and want to make sure people who so desire can review the latest installment. 


	6. Chapter 6 It's A Heartbreak

I know it's been forever and a year since my last update. Saving notes until the end.

* * *

_Nov. 30_

_New York City_

_1:15 p.m._

"So let me get this straight…" David picked up the last French fry from his plate then put it back down, "your wife left you, took the kids, and filed for divorce. During the course of the last two years you were in bed together once. She got pregnant that one time. You were going to move back home before she got pregnant…but you're not going to now?" They had stopped for a quick lunch between witness interviews for their latest case.

"When you put it that way it sounds like _All My Children_ or something."

"I'm gonna let the fact that you even know the name of a soap opera slide for now. You're having a baby, so why aren't you going home?"

"When Kathy left, she had good reasons. It took a while for me to accept that fact. And when we were talking about me moving back in, it took even longer for me to acknowledge that the reasons she left in the first place were still there. I still spend a lot of time at work – probably too much time. I don't talk to her when things are bothering me. We still fight more than we're even civil to one another. Her pregnancy didn't magically change all that. When he's born it won't change either."

"So what will you do when Stabler #5 shows up?"

"I'll help out as much as I can. I'll probably spend the first few weeks at the house to give her a hand. We'll work it out. Why you so interested in this?"

"It's just…interesting."

"It's complicated."

"Complicated? Seriously?" David let out a short laugh. "That doesn't even come close." He smiled as Elliot glared at him over the table. "Alright, okay, I'll change the subject."

"Thank God."

"What do you know about Novak?"

Elliot choked on his water in surprise. "Casey? What about her?"

"What's she like away from the office? What does she do for fun?"

"Why you askin' me?" Elliot stared at his partner, suspicious and protective.

"She just seems so serious at work. But she sometimes lets her guard down with you and Munch. I'd just like to maybe know her a little better. Why? You two aren't…"

"No! No, God no. Casey's like a little sister – an annoying, stubborn little sister that's always right, but like a sister." He paused, shrugged. "She and my old partner were close."

"So…?"

"Sorry buddy. You're on your own with this one."

"You can't throw me a bone?"

Elliot's internal struggle passed over his face as he considered his new partner. He groaned before answering, "Sports. Mostly baseball, but she's a sports fan."

_---------_

_Dec. 3_

_FBI Headquarters_

_10:45 a.m._

Olivia knocked as she opened the door to Dana's office. "You busy?"

"Always." She looked up, smiled and returned to flipping through files on her messy desk.

"Interested in a break for lunch?"

At the mention of food, Dana grinned gratefully. "You are a lifesaver."

"Fat lady needs to eat." Olivia patted her ever-growing stomach as Dana scribbled notes on a pad she dug out from the mountainous folders on her desk. "Two minutes and I'm leaving without you." She grinned as Dana finally put her pen down and stood.

----------

Dana looked disgusted at Olivia's lunch selections: pepperoni, onion and pineapple pizza, tomato soup, and strawberry ice cream for dessert. "Olivia." She looked up, mid-bite. "How on earth can you stand to eat these foods? Together? At the same time?"

Olivia shrugged, an almost remorseful grin on her face as she rubbed her belly. "Blame Nora." She put the pizza slice down. "Which is a good opening for the point of this lunch."

"Am I going to like this?"

"I've put off asking you this for a while, but I have to ask now. I'm starting my birthing class tomorrow night. I need someone to be with me when I have the baby. And there's no one I'd want there with me more than you."

"Not even Elliot?"

"Okay, so there's one person I'd want there more than you. But still. Would you?" She looked shy, almost nervous, as she asked.

"I was starting to think you'd never ask."

"Good. It's at GW at 7."

_---------_

_Dec. 3_

_SVU Bullpen_

_9:45 p.m._

Elliot leaned back and closed his eyes; paperwork always gave him a headache and he'd let it pile up over the weekend while he had the twins. Broadway Saturday night (for Lizzie) and hockey Sunday (for Dickie) meant that his backlog sat collecting dust. He tried to shut out the sound of Munch typing at his desk as he stretched his neck and felt a satisfying crack, then heard the rustle of a paper bag and the smell of lo mein.

He opened his eyes and grinned when he saw Kathleen. "Thought you might be in the mood for Chinese."

"Delivering food to the hungry…is this part of your community service?"

Kathleen flushed with embarrassment for a second then smiled sassily at him. "I thought I was delivering to the elderly. You know, like Meals on Wheels."

"Ouch!" He put his hand over his heart as though mortally wounded then took the bag from her. "What else is in here?" he asked as he looked through the bag.

"Egg rolls… rice… a little of everthing. I thought I'd have dinner with my old man. Unless you're too busy?"

"I'm incredibly busy and thrilled to have an excuse to procrastinate." He stood and led her to the conference room.

"So… your first semester of college wasn't quite how you planned, huh?" He filled two paper plates with lo mein and ginger chicken while she put a Coke in front of each of their seats.

"My classes were good." She smiled sadly at him.

"Katie."

"Okay, it kind of sucked."

"You know it killed me to have to put you through that, right?"

"It wasn't your fault, dad. I screwed up. I knew that then, I just didn't care." She took a bite, considered. "I mean… I cared. But I just… I don't know. I was mad at everyone, especially you and mom. I screwed up, and I won't do it again."

"Good to know." He smiled at her as they each ate in silence for a few minutes. "So when do finals start?"

"Next Monday. This is Study Week. No classes after Wednesday."

"How are your grades looking so far?"

"Except for Trig I should be fine. I should have just taken Algebra anyway. I don't need anything more than that for pre-Law."

"Does 'fine' mean Dean's List or am I being optimistic?"

"Assuming I pull a C in Trig…yeah, Dean's List." She grinned proudly before taking the last bite from her plate.

"Good job. I'm really proud of the way you've handled everything that's been thrown at you this year." He dumped their forks and empty plates into the trash.

"I'm looking at the silver lining these days. If I get through this semester intact there's not much I can't handle, right?" She walked with him back to his desk hovered for a second before leaning against it, watching him..

"What's on your mind?" he asked when he saw her hesitate.

"I know you can't really talk to me about your cases…"

"You want to know about Sarah?" She nodded. "There's not a lot I can tell you," he began quietly as she pulled up a chair to sit next to him. "I told you before that we hit a wall?"

"Yeah. You never said anything else."

"There was a hit on his DNA."

"Then why hasn't anyone been arrested?"

"Because the file is locked by the FBI."

"But they can't just let the guy walk, can they? He raped a girl. He beat her… she spent four days in the hospital and the next two weeks at our house because she was scared to be on campus." She sniffed, wiped absently at her eyes. "She still jumps and looks panicked if someone just knocks on our door. I don't understand."

"I know." He pulled her into a hug, let her cry until her breathing calmed. "I know. We haven't given up. We haven't forgotten. Dave has a friend at the Bureau. He's asking questions, trying to get us some information. But it's out of his field so he has to stay under the radar."

"So you're trusting a Fed? Come on dad, I can't believe that." He winced at peeked across the room as her voice rose. "Do you know how much crap they've covered up over the years?"

Through her continuing rant he heard silence from the other side of the room. "Kathleen, in the last nine years haven't you learned not to give him an opening?" he asked as Munch slowly walked toward them, a devilish grin on his face.

"Ah, my young pupil. What great obfuscation are we discussing?"

"Where should I start? I could go all the way back to Waco."

"Kathleen." Elliot tried to make his voice stern, but fell instead to disappointment, nearly desperation.

"Habeas Corpus interruptus. Wiretaps whenever they damn well like" As Munch began to expound on the finer points of modern government conspiracy, Elliot shook his head sadly, picked up an armload of files, kissed Kathleen good-bye and told her to call him when she got home before returning to the quiet of the conference room.

_---------_

_Dec. 3_

_George Washington Hospital Birthing Center_

_6:55p.m._

"Olivia, just in time."

"I thought I'd be late. Paperwork, plus traffic getting here put me a little behind." Olivia smiled as she walked to Maggie, one of the nurses in the birthing center.

"Maggie Kile!"

"Agent Lewis. What are you doing here?" The two hugged quickly in greeting.

"I'm a coach."

"Sorry…you two know each other?" Olivia struggled not to look lost.

"Maggie's husband is in the Bureau – VICAP. I've worked with him a few times."

"Small world," Olivia smiled.

"I think we're about ready to get started." Maggie moved to the center of the room. "If all the mommies would take a seat on a mat, partners or coaches behind them, we'll get started." There was a moment of commotion as the new parents each took a spot in a circle on the floor. "We'll start by just introducing ourselves." She started with the couple to her right.

----------

Two hours later the class was breaking up. "I'll see you all in a week. Have a good night." She watched as Olivia slowly made her way toward the door.

"Olivia? Everything okay?"

She looked up, startled, and smiled at Maggie. "Just a little nervous I guess. I think coming to this class made everything more real, more concrete for me."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. It's just… I knew from the second I found out I was pregnant that I wanted this baby. I've wanted a child for so long. The timing could have been better but I guess that's true in a lot of cases. I'm... I'm kind of scared."

"Being a parent for the first time is scary. When I was pregnant with Alex I was terrified. And being a single mom… I can't even imagine. But you've got friends that care about you that will help. I'm sure Dana will jump to do anything she can for you. I've seen people much less prepared than you become amazing parents. You're going to be fine."

"I keep hearing that. You'd think I'd eventually start to believe it." A small smile crossed her face then was gone.

"You will. And my last words of wisdom for the night: the best parents are the ones that actually have doubts. They're more willing to take advice from other people, and more flexible. They deal the best with adjusting to the needs of a new baby. If you were absolutely positive that you're going to be SuperMom, the best parent ever, I'd actually be worried. I'll say it again: You're going to be _fine_, Olivia."

"Thanks."

"Anytime. Where'd Dana go?"

"To get the car. We came together from work. The parking lot was icy so she's picking me up at the door."

"Then let's get you downstairs."

They walked to the front door quietly, Olivia letting Maggie's words sink in.

"I'll see you next week?"

"I'll be here. Maggie, thanks again."

"Don't worry about it. Call me anytime. Dana's got my home number." She turned as Olivia got into Dana's Highlander.

_---------_

_Dec. 9_

_Olivia's Apartment_

_1:20 p.m._

It had been a productive morning for Olivia. She'd caught up on her laundry and put it all away, swept the floors, vacuumed rugs, run the dishwasher, and had just settled in for a nap when the phone rang. She sighed and kept her eyes closed as she reached for the phone.

"This better be good."

"Liv, it's Dana. Think you can meet me at my place in 45 minutes?"

"You realize it's Sunday? I'm tired and crabby and can't see my feet and really wanted a nap." She knew she was whining; she didn't care.

"I realize all of those things. I promise you it'll be worth your time."

"What's going on?"

"I'll explain when you get here."

"I hate you."

"Of course you do." Dana chuckled as she continued. "See you soon." The call disconnected with Dana still laughing.

Olivia let out a small whimper as she hung up the phone.

_---------_

_Georgetown, DC_

_2:15 p.m._

She'd taken her nap, albeit shorter than she'd planned. Twenty minutes just isn't worth it, she thought as she pulled into the parking lot in front of Dana's townhouse.

Dana opened the door as she walked up the two steps. "You're late, Ms. Benson," she smiled.

"Yeah yeah. What's so important it couldn't wait 'til tomorrow?" She followed Dana toward the sun room by the back door.

"I was thinking a few weeks ago, you never had a baby shower."

There was a loud shout of "Surprise" as they entered. All of Olivia's friends from work – men and women – had shown up.

"So we put our heads together and planned one for you." Dana laughed as she shouted over the noise.

"We?"

"We!" Casey came around the corner and pulled Olivia into a long hug.

"You were in on this?"

"Guilty."

"We talk on the phone at least four times a week. I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"That's kind of the point of a surprise." Casey grinned as Olivia walked around the room, thanking everyone for coming.

"When did you get in?"

"This morning. Dana picked me up so we could decorate."

"You think I could borrow my sister?"

"You too?" She laughed as she hugged her brother. "I thought baby showers were for women." She arched her brow at him at the statement.

"There's football in the living room for the guys. Lucy's in the kitchen with Billy."

"I'll make my way back there."

It took her a half hour to walk fifteen feet to the kitchen. Star's house was packed, and she made sure to talk to everyone that had come.

She was about to greet Lucy when 7-year-old Billy pounced on her. "Aunt 'Livia!"

"Hey buddy." She held onto the counter to regain her balance before bending down to talk to him."

"Billy, I thought I told you to be CAREFUL."

"Sorry mom." He grinned sheepishly at her, then looked worriedly at Olivia.

"It's okay. You didn't hurt me. Woke your cousin up though." She winced as she felt a strong kick near her ribs.

"Mom can I watch the game?" He turned pleading eyes to his mom, eager to be 'one of the guys' for the afternoon.

"You mean you don't want to hang out with a bunch of women today?" At Billy's grimace Lucy laughed and gently pushed him toward the living room. "Behave. Listen to Simon." He barely heard her as he ran to claim a spot on the couch.

"How's everything?" Lucy finished putting out the food for the afternoon and leaned against the counter.

"It's fine."

"Nervous?"

"Terrified."

"Of labor?"

"Did you do a birthing class with Billy? They showed this movie…"

Lucy let out a little laugh. "Some unsolicited advice: get the epidural. It doesn't hurt the baby and it makes your day a lot easier."

Olivia laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."

----------

Three hours later all the gifts had been loaded into the back of her car and Dana's SUV. Casey, Dana, and Simon were following her to help carry them up to her apartment; Lucy was staying behind until Billy woke up from a rare nap.

She couldn't believe the amount of stuff she had. She wouldn't need diapers or clothes for the first six months of her daughter's life.

She smiled as she looked again at the frame Casey had bought. It was matte silver, a pink bow in the upper left corner, with a space on the right for a baby picture and on the left for hand and footprints. The plaque already read "Nora Abigail" and would be completely filled in after she was born with the date, length and weight.

_----------_

_Dec.12_

_Midtown Manhattan_

_3:45 p.m._

It had been a long morning. Elliot emerged from the bowels of the subway filthy and smelling of death. It was one of the most brutal crime scenes he'd ever worked; all he wanted was to shower and go to bed. As he got to his car one of the uniforms on scene ran over to him.

"Stabler, your Captain's on radio for you. Says it's an emergency." The rookie handed him a radio and walked away.

"Yeah, Cap, what's up?"

"I've been trying to reach you for three hours. Kathy went into labor. She's at the hospital. Your kids are already there."

He didn't even answer; just shouted to the same kid who'd handed him the radio and tossed it back to him before jumping in his car and speeding away from the scene. He trusted Cragen would fill his partner in on where he was going. It took him 15 minutes to get from midtown to the bridge. Ten minutes later he was at the hospital and running up to the maternity floor. He barely stopped as he asked for Kathy's room; he was met outside the door by Maureen.

"It's a boy."

"I missed it."

"It all went pretty fast. Let's walk." Maureen pulled him away from the door where her mother slept, leading him to a nearby waiting area. "They had to do an emergency C-Section. His heart rate dropped in the ambulance. Once they got him out he had to get a transfusion. Anemia," she explained at his confused look. God, dad, I was so scared. They didn't think either of them would make it, and we couldn't get in touch with you. I knew you'd feel so guilty if… but it's fine. They're both going to be fine."

"Where is he?"

"Nursery's around the corner. Mom's sleeping."

He got up, legs shaky and face pale, and walked to the nursery window. He searched until he saw it: Stabler, Nathaniel Isaac. He stared, relieved, then noticed the other detail on the card: AB-.

"Impossible."

"What's wrong?"

"They have his blood type wrong."

As Maureen looked at the card her eyes widened in shock. "No way." She looked to her side and saw her father already halfway back to her mother's room. She wanted to run, to tell him to wait, but knew there was no chance. Blood type proved that Nate wasn't his son.

_---------_

"Why, Kathy?" She had barely woken up from him storming into the room. She watched as he paced, forced himself to rein in his temper, before he spoke. "You never told me there was even a possibility that he wasn't mine." She continued to stare blankly at him. "Your son, Kathy!" He paused, breathed. He didn't want to be thrown out of her room, of the hospital. He needed to get through this. "He had to have a transfusion. I'm A, you're A. He's AB"

Realization and clarity hit her with sudden force: Paul. They'd dated off and on for a few months. He took her to Maryland for a weekend when the kids were with Elliot. It was the only time they'd slept together.

"Elliot, I didn't know. I'm sorry. I swear, I didn't even know until you told me."

"How could you not even tell me there was a chance that he wasn't mine?" He was past anger now and looked hurt, lost. "Nine months, Kath. You never found a time to mention this to me?"

"It was just one time. One night."

"It was just once for us too," he pointed out.

"I know. I just… you wanted to come home. I thought we were going to work things out. Even when that didn't happen… I convinced myself that it was yours. I wanted it to be."

He sat, all the energy from adrenaline and anger suddenly deflating.

"I'm sorry, Elliot. I never wanted this to happen. If I'd even thought…"

"I know, Kathy." He looked around the room, suddenly uneasy. "Look, I need to get out of here for a while. The kids are here. Maureen's outside. Call me if you need anything." He started toward the door.

"Elliot."

"I just need some time." He smiled, tried to look reassuring, but fell short. "I need a shower. Some sleep. I'll stop by tomorrow." He let the door ease shut behind him as he left. Maureen saw him walking down the hall and silently fell in step beside him.

"It's fine, sweetheart."

"No it's not, dad. It's okay to be upset."

"I know it is. And I am. We both are."

"Where you going?"

"I'm gonna grab a shower. Try to get some perspective. I just need to sort everything out."

----------

_10:40 p.m._

He'd showered and made a simple dinner and was wandering aimlessly through the city. He looked up and stared at the building in front of him, stared at one window as the light went out.

He nearly crossed the street to hit the buzzer for the apartment but stopped himself, as if suddenly remembering. She doesn't live there anymore.

He watched as a few more lights went out, as people came and went, then pulled his collar higher on his neck as he headed home.

* * *

Wow! I think this is the longest thing I've ever written. Except, maybe, a 13-page research paper. 

Chapter title refers more to Elliot…it actually took me a while to think of one because nothing was quite right. In the end I just picked one.

And, yes, it runs through all kinds of emotions for both of our heroes. I can't help but notice that I actually LIKE Kathleen as I've written her here. She's still got a little bit of the attitude, but there's also a little depth there.

You may also notice that some other changes have been made to the story…namely that I took out the prologue. Not a huge thing…it just didn't fit with where the story ended up going.

And some good news: the next chapter is half-written already! Provided things continue to go smoothly it should be up within a week or two. Although don't look for it to be as long as this one.

Sorry for the long delay between updates. Real life was seriously kicking my butt for a while there. I had too much stress to even think about sitting down to write. Plus I think my muse went on strike with the WGA. She didn't come back until after Letterman announced that HE would be back. :shrug:

Anyway, thanks to those who didn't abandon me or this story.

I looked this over 3 times before posting so hopefully I caught any little mistakes, but it hasn't been proofed by anyone else.

**Which I did not! Thanks to anonymous reviewer dreamer23 for pointing out that something that I had fixed but saved to the wrong file needed to be changed. Blood types were all jacked up. Oops! It's better now. :)**


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